The Toddler Budget 2016

You have now had time to digest what the 2016 Budget means to you, but what would be the perfect policies to make up the Toddler Budget? As the parent of a young child, you deserve some kickback (other than that whole unconditional love thing) and here’s where we can stake our claim for some kind of recompense. Here are my policies, stick yours in the Comments.

TV Licence Rebate

I propose that every parent who has to sit through their child’s favourite CBeebies programme on iPlayer more than ten times in one day receives 5p off their licence fee. For us it is Peter Rabbit, for you it may be Justin’s House or Teletubbies, but hopefully it’s not anything on Channel 5’s Milkshake! You’d have to get 20p a day for that.

  

Extra Duty on Second Wendy Houses

I’m sure, when your toddlers are sitting round at nursery snack time, they shoot the breeze about Wendy house prices in the local area and how much they’ve made on their property. Having one mini-prefab in your back yard is a right of passage, but a little ‘un with two of them? They should be forced to donate 20 percent of their Organix carrot cake bars to those less fortunate.

Mind you, talking of middle class toddler properties…Elsa’s genuinely does have a solar panel:

Solar Panel

Do you think we can sell the electricity back to the National Grid?

Sleep Pension

Just as saving for a normal pension means doing without having the cash to hand during your working years so you can spend it in retirement, a sleep pension for parents will see them receive the opportunity to cash in all the sleep they missed in their children’s early years in a lump sum as soon as they turn 18.

You would have to log all the hours you were up in the night singing lullabies and reciting the same stories over and over again and, as soon as the kid reaches official adulthood, your employer would be duty bound to allow you to take that time off (plus interest) to hibernate. It wouldn’t affect your annual leave entitlement either, it is just pure, blissful sleep.

Do you have any more to add? Let me know!

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  1. What does the March 2016 Budget Mean for Families? – Bewildered Dad

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