Three Gifts Dads Really Want for Father's Day

I am not going to be disparaging about socks. I genuinely love being given socks as a present. They are the sort of boring, necessary, functional item that I resent spending my own money on, so if people want to gift them to me at Christmas, on my birthday and now on Father’s Day, then I am certainly not going to join in with the now-well worn protestations about them being a cliched present. They are exactly what I want – how often can you say that about a gift?

However, in a world where genies really do pop out of lamps, what do dads REALLY want on Father’s Day?

1) Sleep

It’s obvious, but it is true – there is never enough sleep to be had as a parent. Our weekends are so busy that it’s very rare that one of us can take Elsa away and let the other one have a lie-in, usually it’s a case of ‘one up, all up’ as Jill or I run out the door to some appointment, job, vintage fair, football game or whatever.

With this in mind, the boffin that works out a way to freeze time, like Zack Morris in the early episodes of 90s American school sitcom Saved By The Bell, would become an instant millionaire. Set your alarm for just before the kids usually wake up, call a time out and have another three hours of glorious kip before the chaos ensues. Amazing.

2) A self cleaning house

It seems unfair that, following a day of running around after a hyperactive toddler, you still have to make the house actually habitable again. There are two options – attach dusters to each of your child’s limbs and hope they do the job themselves as they tear about the place, or simply create a house that magically tidies and cleans around you as you sit with your feet up, watching Don’t Tell the Bride with a glass of wine in your hand.

3) For Johnson’s Shampoo to follow through on their promise

This is false advertising:

We’ve been using it since Elsa first started having baths and she’s cried loads of times since. Must be a faulty batch.

Anyone got any more to add? Let your imagination run wild in the comments – perfect Father’s Day gifts in an ideal world. Go!

Looking for gifts for new parents (actual ones that really exist)? Click the link to read the Bewildered Dad guide.